Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
