This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
