Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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