I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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