Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
