i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
