my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
