I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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