I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
