Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
