when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
