my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
