after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
