I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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