Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
