Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize