you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
