a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
