Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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