I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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