Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize