We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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