WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
