he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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