Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
