i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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