Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
