a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize