So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
