So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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