I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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