he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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