I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
