he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
