Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
