Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
