we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
