Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
