You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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