its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
