I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
