the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
