I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize