his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
