Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
