I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
