so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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