i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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