Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
