people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
