I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
