my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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