Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
