I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
