community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
