bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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