You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
