hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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