Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
