Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
