Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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