Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize