So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
