my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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