New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
