Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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