After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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