I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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