Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
