woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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