Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Holy shit dude........stairs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
