There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
