It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
